Sexaholics Anonymous
by Britt Britt
Summary: After a certain mishap, Anya has to go to Sexaholics Anonymous and Giles is persuaded to go with her. It can't be that bad, right.


Title- Sexaholics Anonymous  
  
Author- Britt Britt  
  
Pairing- Giles/OC  
  
Rating- PG-13  
  
Summary- Anya has to go to Sexaholics Anonymous after a little mishap and persuades Giles to go with her.  
  
Disclaimer- Not mine, I wish, all hail the great mastermind Joss.  
  
Distribution- Just ask  
  
Notes- This fic is all in good humor. I had it in my mind for awhile but got a little distracted, so here it is finally. Set in early season 5. And some slash mentioned.  
  
"No, Anya, I said no," Giles said walking towards the shelves of the Magic Box.  
  
"Please," the ex-demon pleaded to her boss, following him. "I don't want to go alone." She put on her best pout face.  
  
The watcher took one look at the pout and was just about to give in before he caught himself. "No," he said sternly, turning back to the shelves taking inventory.  
  
"Fine," Anya said deciding on a new tactic, "I'll just go all by my lonesome self and, hey, maybe some vampire might attack me, and I won't be able to defend myself, seeing how I'm not a demon with powers, because of you of course..."  
  
"Alright," Giles gave in. "Explain to me why no one else will go?"  
  
Anya walked toward the table, "Because," she started, "Willow and Tara are going to be busy, I think they're going to have sex, "she added. "Buffy has patrolling, Xander's sill at his aunt's funeral in Minnesota, Joyce has some gallery thing. I asked Riley, but he just got all quiet and said he had to be somewhere else. I even asked Spike, but he had to catch up on his soaps. I asked everyone."  
  
"And after all of them you came to me, thank you," Giles said with a note of sarcasm.  
  
"Yeah," Anya said, not detecting the note. "I think Dawn wanted to come, but Miss Slayer All Mighty said she was too young."  
  
"Well I would think so," Giles said turning to face her. "She has no place at..." he couldn't think of any words, "at... at that sort of place."  
  
"You mean Sexaholics Anonymous," Anya elaborated.  
  
"Y, yes," he said blushing.  
  
"Well, I wouldn't have to be there, if it wasn't for that very rude, policeman," Anya complained, picking up a long crystal from the table and playing with it. "If he hadn't pulled me over for a stop sign I know I wasn't there before, I wouldn't be in this situation."  
  
"Anya," Giles said taking the crystal from her, "I was in that car and I'm sure if you hadn't said those... very detailed... ideas, he wouldn't have assigned you this and probably let you off with a warning."  
  
"What did I say?" Anya asked bewildered. "All I said was if I had a set of handcuffs like that I..."  
  
"Please," Giles interrupted her story. "You don't have to, I recall the incident.  
  
"It wasn't my fault," Anya insisted. "If Xander hadn't left to that funeral, I wouldn't be suffering from a lack of orgasms," Giles winced, "and I would have concentrated more."  
  
"Okay then," he said, "I'll pick you up at six-thirty. You can have the rest of the day off."  
  
"Okay," Anya said cheerfully, walking to the door. "Six-thirty it is. It's a date," she thought a minute. "Not really 'a date'. I'm with Xander. Not that I don't like you, I just like Xander a lot better. He gives good orgasms... Which I'm sure you do too, since that orgasm friend of yours comes all the way down from England for them. I was just saying..."  
  
"It's all right," Giles interrupted her rambling. "I get it." Anya just shrugged and left the Magic Box happily, leaving Giles to polish his glasses in peace.  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
Rupert Giles and Anya Jenkins walked through a large door, that read 'Sexaholics Anonymous We're Here To Help' at seven p.m. and sat down in two vacant seats which with about six others formed a circle. Giles felt a little un-easy. How the hell had he gotten here? Oh yes, now he remembered, he let Anya drive the bloody car. He looked at her, next to him, she just sat at ease. He wasn't sure what this meeting would do for her. Not that he thought of her as a sex addict, though he did wonder at times, she just lacked in tact.  
  
All his thoughts came to a seize when a tall, young man with red hair clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. "Your attention please, everyone," he said in a patronizing voice. There were only five others besides Giles and Anya and the red-haired man himself. "We will start today's meeting," he sat down in a chair. "Now," he continued in his patronizing voice, "we will begin this meeting with introductions for any new members." He gave Giles a glance that made him shift in his seat. This young man didn't seem to be obsessed with having sex with women exactly. "I'm Brad C." the red head introduced himself as. Everyone else in the circle started to introduce themselves, in order, as well.  
  
"Hi, I'm Mike T." a black-haired, very built man said in a gruff voice.  
  
"Hello, I'm Tina L." a petite woman introduced herself as.  
  
"Roy D." a short man that looked no more than four feet tall said  
  
"I'm Tim B." a blonde man said.  
  
"And I'm Tim C." the man next to him stated.  
  
It came to Anya, who didn't realize it was her turn to introduce herself, until Giles gave her a nudge. "Oh!" she stood. "I'm Anya... J."  
  
"And you are?" Brad asked Giles who was sitting quietly trying not to attract attention to himself. Damn, it didn't work.  
  
"Well, I'm not here really for me... I, I'm here with..."  
  
"He's Giles," Anya said for him. "Giles R... wait, that's not right. He's Rupert G."  
  
"Thank you Anya, would you like to give them my address as well," Giles said under his breath with his infamous sarcasm. Anya just smiled and sat back down.  
  
"Welcome, Rupert and Anya,"Brad exclaimed. "Let's all say hello." Soon Giles and Anya were greeted by a chorus of 'Hello Rupert and Anya.'  
  
Giles sunk into his seat while Anya answered back, "Hello, sex crazy people."  
  
"Now Anya. No one here is crazy. They just have an un-healthy obsession," Brad corrected her.  
  
"I know," Anya claimed. "Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of sex, I can go for hours with my boyfriend. One time..."  
  
"Anya!" Giles hissed.  
  
"Now Rupert," Brad addressed him, "it's okay, we're here among friends. We can talk openly. Continue please, Anya, you were discussing something about you and Rupert's sex life."  
  
"No!" Anya and Giles both exclaimed at the same time.  
  
"I'm not with her."  
  
"He's not my boyfriend."  
  
"Ah, I see," Brad remarked. Giles didn't like that tone, it seemed he didn't really see. "Now Rupert, tell the group why you're here?"  
  
Giles looked around the room while everyone waited for him to answer the question. "I, I d, don't have a, an obsession."  
  
"What a load," Roy scowled.  
  
"Now, Roy, what did we discuss about anger," Brad turned to him with a smile.  
  
"Anger doesn't solve anything," he muttered.  
  
"Good, we don't want any incidents like last time." Giles' eyes went wide. Incidents? As in with an 's'. Brad turned back to Giles, "Rupert, the first stage of healing is to admit."  
  
"But I don't have..." Giles started before Roy stood up and pushed his chair.  
  
"Bull-shit!"  
  
Giles stood up, preparing to run or if it came down to it fight. Roy may have been short, but he was very intimidating and it didn't reassure Giles that there was a gun club meeting next door.  
  
"Roy, please sit down," Brad instructed him. Roy gave Giles a dirty look before retrieving his chair and sitting back down. Giles sat down as well.  
  
"That small man does have a very large temper," Anya whispered to Giles, who nodded in agreement.  
  
"Rupert," Brad returned to him, "we're not here to judge you, but you have to cooperate for us to help you." Giles remained silent not sure what to say.  
  
"What about her," Giles indicated to Anya, "that's why I..."  
  
Let's not blame anyone, Rupert," Brad interrupted. "This is no one's fault. And blaming others won't help."  
  
"That's what you think," Giles muttered under his breath.  
  
Brad just took the mutter as a yes. "I'll start then. How many times have you had sex this week?"  
  
Giles nearly jumped out of his seat at the question, "E, e, excuse me?" "How many times have you had sex?" Anya clarified for him. "This week."  
  
"N, none times," Giles stuttered.  
  
"He's lying," Roy remarked.  
  
"I, I'm not," Giles insisted.  
  
"He's not," Anya helped him out. "No one can be this stuffy and have gotten laid at least once. Giles groaned. Where's an apocalypse when you need one?  
  
"Being a sexaholic doesn't mean you have to have sex all the time," the petite woman said for the first time that night.  
  
"That's right," Brad agreed. "Thank you Tina. It can also mean one masturbates excessively." Giles was sure he would hyperventilate. "Well?" Brad urged.  
  
"Uh, um," being word guy didn't help Giles any here.  
  
"I think it's true," Anya spoke up. "I can't count how many 'breaks' he's gone on and come back sweaty."  
  
"Anya! I don't..."  
  
"And after a training session with Buffy, she's like his student," she explained, "he always wants to be 'alone'."  
  
God kill me now, Giles thought over and over again in his head. "Anya, I don't..." he tried once again before she cut him off.  
  
"Plus, one time, I found a 'Playboy' magazine at his apartment. In the bathroom."  
  
"Now that was..." Giles couldn't think of a story to back that up. "I was holding them for someone." Even that sounded lame to him.  
  
"But it was next to the bottle of..."  
  
"That's it, I'm leaving!" Giles got up before Anya could finish.  
  
"Rupert please," Brad insisted.  
  
"Sit your ass down," Roy growled.  
  
Giles was halfway to the door when he stopped. He peered around the room, when he saw Tina. "Please," she mouthed. Giles decided to go back to his seat, he was Anya's ride anyway. "Now we're getting somewhere," Brad smiled. "Okay Rupert, will you admit you have a problem?"  
  
Giles thought he might as well play along. "Yes," he said exasperated. Tina gave him a smile which he couldn't help smile back at.  
  
"Good, now your healing can begin. You've conquered the first stage. The hardest. Tina here has accomplished six of the twelve already." Brad pointed out.  
  
"Is that right?" Giles asked still smiling at her.  
  
"Yes," she replied smiling as well. "It's been a hard four months."  
  
"You haven't had sex in four months?!" Anya exclaimed. "I could never go that long."  
  
"I've gone ten," Roy snorted.  
  
"Huh, no wonder you're so angry," Giles said underneath his breath.  
  
"What did you say English?" Roy sneered.  
  
"Nothing," Giles said with a fake smile.  
  
"He said no wonder your so angry," Tim B. clarified.  
  
"That's it," Roy said getting up, "I'm gonna kick your British ass." Giles stood up, but before he could do anything the four foot angry dwarf kicked Giles in the- let's not go to that painful place. Giles toppled over. The angry little man was about to jump him before Mike, the bearded guy, picked him up and pushed him out the door.  
  
"And that's the last meeting you ruin," he called out the door before slamming it.  
  
Anya and Tina helped Giles into his seat. "Your lucky," Brad said. "We still can't find the last guy's ear."  
  
"He cut it off?" Anya asked.  
  
"No, he bit it off," Tim C. Explained.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Well, I think that should conclude our meeting," Brad announced. "I hope to see you all next week. Have a good night. And remember, self-control is our greatest tool."  
  
The group started to disband and make their way to the parking lot. Anya and Tina still helped Giles. When they arrived to his car, he was able to stand on his own.  
  
"Well, um, thank you, Tina," Giles said.  
  
"Your welcome," she replied with a smile, that made him blush. "Would you like to come to my place for some tea maybe?" she suggested.  
  
"Well, I, er, I have to drive Anya..."  
  
"It's okay," Anya said taking his keys. "I'll drive myself."  
  
"Yes but..." before Giles could finish reminding her, that that's what got her to this place, driving, she was off.  
  
Tina and Giles were walking toward her car when they noticed Brad standing in front of the building. They decided to ask if he needed a ride.  
  
"It's alright," he said. "I'm waiting for someone." As if on cue a black car rolled up. The car resembled Riley's. That's when Giles realized it was Riley's car. Riley got out of his car, not noticing the couple.  
  
"Come on Brad, we still have to get some lube and..." that's when he noticed Giles standing there with a woman he didn't know. "Giles?" he gulped. "Oh god, this isn't what it looks like."  
  
"Then what is it?" Giles questioned.  
  
Instead of answering the question Riley hopped in his car and drove off, with Brad running after him. Giles and Tina watched for a moment before once again heading toward her car.  
  
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *  
  
"Where is he?" Buffy asked again as she paced the floor of the Magic Box. "We're suppose to be training, and Giles could never stand breaking the eighth deadly sin of tardiness."  
  
"Well, he's not at his place," Willow said walking in. "I checked."  
  
"Well he wouldn't," Anya stated matter-of-factly, counting the money in the register. "He's probably still having sex with that blond from last night."  
  
"Okay first eww, and second he wouldn't do that," the slayer tried to convince herself, more than the others.  
  
"He wouldn't, but a sexaholic who hasn't had sex in four months would. I know I would."  
  
"I'm sure he just..." Willow started before the bell above the door rang and Giles strolled in.  
  
"Hello all!" he said cheerfully.  
  
"Giles? Are you okay?" his slayer asked with concern.  
  
"Smashing!" he answered. Smashing? No one ever heard him say that before.  
  
"Told ya," Anya gloated.  
  
"Told what?" Giles asked, still in a cheery mood.  
  
"Nothing," all three said at the same time. Giles just shrugged and made his way behind the counter to start inventory again.  
  
"Um, Giles, training?" Buffy reminded him.  
  
"Oh yes. Take the day off."  
  
"Really?" He just nodded. "Okay, I guess I'll go find Riley."  
  
She was on her way out the door when Giles stopped her. "Uh, Buffy."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
He wasn't sure what to say, "Why don't you take that crossbow with you, I think you'll need it."  
  
"Okay," Buffy said not sure, but picked it up anyway.  
  
"And when you see Riley, tell him to tell Brad Rupert said hi."  
  
"Who's Brad?" Buffy questioned.  
  
"You'll find out soon enough."  
  
After Buffy had left, Willow left too, using an exam for an excuse to see Tara, probably. After they both left Giles turned to Anya, still in a happy mood. "I think I'm going to give you a raise, Anya."  
  
"Really?! What for?" she asked suspiciously.  
  
"For being you."  
  
"Wow, you should spend more time at that Tina's place."  
  
"Oh, well I didn't spend the night at Tina's," Giles admitted.  
  
"Then where," his employee asked curiously.  
  
"Tim's," Giles replied.  
  
"Which Tim?"  
  
"Both," he said walking to the back room, leaving Anya to wonder in peace.  
  
The End 


End file.
